oldies, paychex and tubing

today was an interesting day, i got a glimpse into the life of an OREC [outdoor recreation] staffer. i woke up at 8 out of habit and read for a little while. it was 34 below outside (negative 30 fahrenheit) and i didn't want get out of my warm bed right away. when i reached a good stopping point i got dressed and went to clean turbo off so we could go into town i was proud of my trevor (the turbo trailblazer) he started on the second attempt, such a trooper. so we went on our way and deposited my first paycheck (direct deposit doesn't kick in til the second check apparently). yay! [now if i can only get some of the taxes back . . . ]

when i got back to camp i went back to home sweet hazelwood to change into my afternoon attire. a few days ago i volunteered to help out with saturday afternoon activities, last night i learned i was placed on the tubing hill - outside - in the cold - for three hours or so - with a forecast of 25 below (for those of you in fahrenheit land read negative 13). so i layered appropriately with the following: feet - normal socks, wool socks, (long johns) wool socks, HEAVY wool socks winter boots; legs - long johns [courtesy of canadian tire] , dance pants, jeans, snow pants [courtesy of canadian tire]; torso - tank top, t-shirt, old navy polo-y sweatshirt-y thing, fieldhockey hoodie, softshell jacket, winter jacket; hands - knit gloves, waterproof snow winter gloves; head - hat with earflaps [borrowed from housekeeping] sweatshirt hood, winter jacket hood; face - fleece neck muff. i felt like the kid from a christmas story who couldn't put his arms down when i tried to put on my boots i couldn't bend over to tie them. instead of being incredibly frigid like i thought it was going to be it was actually quite nice, only about 13 below (8.6 fahrenheit) so i ditched the winter jacket and heavy duty gloves. plus as an added bonus i made my first winter fire today. it was totally cheating [newspaper and lighter fluid] but i didn't really have a choice and people were already there when karen and i got to the hill so we needed to get it started.

i stayed at the bottom of the hill monitoring the bumps and filling them as needed and whistling when the run was clear for the next tuber. it was a fun day all in all and there were some AMAZING wipe outs and almost wipe outs that people pulled out. jude brought karen and i some hot chocolate after awhile which was nice to sip while i monitored the run, and since it was so cold i only burned my tongue once before it cooled enough to sip comfortably.

now as i sit here after a dinner of roast beef, 'flintstones chicken' [a chicken leg that has been skinned of meat except at the top of the leg so there's a nice clean bone handle] and salad i can hear the oldies music playing from the kitchen and the kitchen guys singing along [sometimes badly]. it makes me reminiscent of the times when i was younger and things were so much simpler. i don't think i'm going to stay for next season regardless of whether or not i get a job at camp this summer. i'm slowly beginning to realize my purpose for coming here, at least i think. i believe god wanted me to see that as much as i want to be there for my friends and as much as i need them to be there for me sometimes we all need to learn to be independent. i think i lost that somewhere along the line with john. i began taking care of him and concentrated so much on that i lost a little bit of myself. i continued that path my last semester of school because it hurt too much to concentrate on myself and what i was going through. here it's taking me longer to make the connections that usually come so naturally to me and it's forcing to deal with the issues i've bee pushing aside. i'm not necessarily overcoming all of them but i'm at least acknowledging them and some i am overcoming slowly. as much as i love the drama [yes katemonster i'm admitting it i enjoy drama sometimes (and only to a point)] that comes with being the one who is called at 3am by my friends i think God wanted me to step back. i think he wanted to ease me back into being me slowly. i know i'm still trying to find some parts of myself again and i know that some parts will be lost forever and i'm learning to be ok with that. i'm thriving here without my meds and without pine rest. it's been a long time coming but i think i'm finally getting there. i know i'll probably still need pine rest appointments sometimes or places like it but not like i used to.

i feel like i rambled away from the point i was trying to make. basically i'm coming home at the end of march. i'm not saying i'll never return to muskoka but for now i think i need to go home and deal with the issues at hand. face some of the things i've been running from.

i'll be home soon [but that doesn't mean people can't come visit].